If you joined us on Monday, you know we started the week giving some thought to the company we keep. The people with whom we choose to surround ourselves are important for a lot of reasons. They affect your energy, your mindset, and even your physical state. Their advice and opinions (spoken and not) influence the way you perceive yourself, and impact the boundaries you place around what you think you can be and do.
I know you want to think you can outsmart their vibes, but you can’t – at least not completely. Also, though – you shouldn’t need to.
How do the people you interact with the most make you feel? OK, fine, mostly good? Some better than others, depends on the day? A few, not so much…could do without them?
Meh. Not good enough, y’all. If I can be blunt, you’re wasting your time, and energy, with a few of them.
So, obviously, we all have tough days. No human being can be a flawless, self-less cheerleader for you every waking moment. If they are, odds are good that you may not exactly be at the top of the list of people who make them feel amazing.
Yup, that’s right, it works both ways. You affect them just as they affect you, in an exchange of energy that can quickly become self-perpetuating. Don’t get stuck in a hamster wheel of friendship angst, ok? If you’re gonna get wrapped up in an energy loop with someone, it might as well be a fabulous one.
Sometimes you don’t see the wheel until you’re in it, though. A relationship that seemed great at the beginning can turn with time, because – spoiler alert – people change with time. We are drawn to people who fill needs we have at a particular moment. With time, those needs change, we change, they change, and our relationship needs to change. Just sometimes, we don’t let it. We run the wheel, even though we don’t remember signing up for it.
You didn’t. It just happened.
That doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed, though. Maybe it’s just time for a shift that better reflects the needs of the moment. Or, maybe it is really time to gently let go to make space for something that better suits you now. If you’re present with yourself and connected to your needs, you’ll know which feels right.
I didn’t say easy, just right. Breathing helps. J
Because mindfulness helps you check in with yourself, and learn to observe and sit with whatever you find, it also helps you figure out what’s most important to you. Over time, some mindfulness practitioners find they are better able to make choices that feel more authentic and aligned with their priorities and purpose. Some of these choices may be super popular and well-received by the people in your life, and some may catch them by surprise.
If they feel like they are right to you, then send love all around, and keep going. As you progress, take a look around and see who’s still there with you, not to mention who might be showing up for the first time. Do they ask hard questions that make you think, and let you know when they’re proud of you? Do they give you a steady place to land when challenges come your way? Do they remind you of your best qualities, and see you as your best self more often than not? And when you strike it hot, and slip into that zone where your purpose, your joy and work align, do they “fan your flames”?
If so, you might have yourself some keepers there. Hold them close enough to throw a spark when you need it, and at enough distance so they can evolve alongside you – with just enough space to fan their flames in return.